lauren lime, learning how to ejacuate again


It is possible to feel an orgasm, male multiples or full body orgasms even if you struggle to cum.

Not being able to cum, what's it all about?

It can be so frustrating when you’re right on the edge of an orgasm and then you lose it. If this happens once or twice then it’s not a big deal, but if it starts happening all the time then it can become really frustrating and in some cases quite painful!

Not being able to cum (can be called inablity to ejaculate, anorgasmia, impaired ejaculation, delayed ejaculation or anejaculation) is when there is difficulty reaching ejaculation. This is usually (but not always) connected with orgasm. So if there’s a problem with ejaculation there can be a problem with feeling orgasms too.

Slowing down your ejaculation trajectory can be done on purpose, especially when you’ve been ejaculating too quickly, but this isn’t what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about when you can’t ejaculate and you aren’t in control of it. This can feel really uncomfortable. Especially if you’re trying really hard and just can’t get there.

There is a myth that every woman wants a man that can fuck all night and finish last, but if you’re never finishing at all, it can cause just as many problems in a relationship as finishing too quickly. Perhaps even more so, because it can be physically painful too!

Genitals can become sore and chafed and it can start to feel like sex is a chore. Sometimes it can make men and their partners feel inadequate and disheartened. This can wreak havoc in relationships.

During sex, we need to feel the release of relaxation that comes with orgasm at least some of the time, otherwise we end up all tense and coiled up (not to mention the blue-balls!).

If you find it difficult to ejaculate it might show up differently in different settings. Such as you might find it easy to ejaculate while masturbating, but difficult with a partner, or it might be that you find it impossible in any scenario.

Why do some men find it difficult to cum?

Stress can greatly affect your ability to ejaculate and orgasm, as well as doing lots of squatting, dead weight lifting and excessive bike riding with an uncomfy bike seat.

Some medical procedures or illnesses can affect orgasm and/or ejaculation. It is likely that your doc will have discussed this with you if this is the case for you, but it’s always a good idea to get a check up and get your testosterone levels checked out anyway.

Relationship problems such as jealousy, a bad break up or experiencing sexual abuse can cause an emotional blockage that doesn’t allow your body to relax and feel vulnerable enough to let go and ejaculate.

Unplanned or deceitful pregnancies can create fear around ejaculation that just can’t be overcome with reasoning or using contraception.

Also If you believe that you should be lasting all night and are worried about your partner orgasming, then it might be difficult to just let go and ejaculate. I often see men who are frustrated with their inability to ejaculate and want to work on it, but when we dig a little deeper, their belief that ‘a good man can fuck all night and finish last’ is at odds with their intention. They can’t let go and relax into the sensations because they believe it will damage their masculinity.

How does stress affect cumming?

First let’s look at how the process of ejaculation works then we can look at how stress affects it. So the process of ejaculation has two stages:

Stage One

You feel excitement in this stage of the ejaculation process. It makes you feel stimulated and gives you a boost of energy to use while you’re having sex. This stage is controlled by the sympathetic (highly stimulated) part of the autonomic (automatic) nervous system, and feels arousing. Semen is stimulated to move up from your balls and towards your prostate.

Stage Two

This is the part of the ejaculation process where you will feel orgasmic and highly pleasurable sensations. This stage is controlled by the parasympathetic (relaxing) part of the autonomic (automatic) nervous system; The same part of your nervous system that influences your sleeping cycle. This is why you might sometimes feel sleepy after orgasm. In this stage you will feel rhythmic contractions that will carry your semen through your penis and out of your urethra. This is likely to feel extremely pleasurable.

When problems arise

Stress at any point in this cycle can cause a block that can disrupt this process and make it difficult to ejaculate. In order to move smoothly through the two stages of ejaculation you need to be able to relax into the sensations and allow the process to complete after you’ve become aroused.

Too much excitement and not enough relaxation can keep you locked and looping in stage one with your semen sitting near your prostate and not moving into your penis. If this has happened to you, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. You could probably feel it just sitting there, right? Then you start to lose your erection…

Too much relaxation and not enough excitement and the process won’t even begin. Your penis won’t get fully hard and the semen is going to stay put, right there in your balls.

If you want to geek out on exactly how ejaculation occurs follow this link.

Inability to cum or inability to orgasm? There is a difference.

Orgasm and ejaculation usually happen together, but they are not the same thing. It is possible to ejaculate and not have an orgasm, sounds terrible, right? The party bus just drives straight past you without stopping, even though you bought the ticket!

It’s also possible to have an orgasm and not ejaculate; think dry orgasms (multiple parties!).

Ejaculation is the process of semen moving out of your penis through muscles propelling the expulsion. Orgasm is the rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of your pelvis. Although they both occur with the urogenital muscles contracting and flexing, they are actually different processes that happen in the body.

Regular gentle exercise of these muscles can increase the sensations of your orgasm and give you more choice on when and how you ejaculate. You can learn how to have dry orgasms, full body orgasms or ejaculate on cue, by strengthening these muscles.

If you have had surgery, such as a prostate or testes removal, it is still possible to feel orgasms even if you can’t ejacualate. The same exercises will work for you too.

How do the sessions work?

During our time together we will figure out where your blocks are and how to work through them. We could start with guided self touch, relaxation exercises and pelvic muscle exercises. Emotions may or may not come up with this approach and we can work through them if or when they happen.

If you feel like you know the emotional content that is blocking you and want to shift it first, we can work through that and then try guided self touch and other exercises, if that works for you, in later sessions.

It’s important to have patience with this process. It’s not likely to be resolved overnight. I have seen a few quick miracles, but due to the nature of this type of sexual expression it can often take a few sessions to work though.


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